i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
