im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
