You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
