last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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