your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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