ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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