the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
