i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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