hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
