She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
