Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
