i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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