but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
