I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
