New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
