we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
