My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
