5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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