I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She announced her abortion via fbk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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