I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
