the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
