He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
