Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
