Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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