it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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