I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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