To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
3pm strippers are depressing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
