My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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