I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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