no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
