I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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