there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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