omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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