I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
