someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
