Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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