you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
