Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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