Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize