dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
