I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
