so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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