it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
