she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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