$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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