i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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