she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
