I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize