you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
