Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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