i wish my penis had a tongue
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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