he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize