I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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