Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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