Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
