Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize