He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
