Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
