I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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