what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
