I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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