I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
