I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
