That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize