She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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