I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
