Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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