I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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