I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
