Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Shame - the story of my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
