Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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