dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Terrible idea I love it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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