my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was born a porn star she said
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Terrible idea I love it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
