Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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