nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
