You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
