I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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