Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
